Hurting
by AJ Archer
Summary: Kinda off of my poem Hurt. Dreams of Angemon are driving Takeru into darkness. Can anything save him? (Rated for cutting, , yaoi, and language.) *F*I*N*I*S*H*E*D*
1. Hurting

            No, I don't own Digimon. I'd be rolling in it if I did, huh? But here's my latest obsession form, starring Takeru. If you find any missing A's, it's my stupid keyboard, and please tell me so I can fix it.

Hurting

_A winged figure, slowly melting away._

_            "Angemon! No!"_

_            Takeru-chan… don't forget that I love you._

_            "No! Don't leave me!"_

_            I love you, Takeru.___

_            "NO!"_

_            Gone._

            "No… Angemon, no… I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…" 

            "NO!" Takaishi Takeru screamed. "Angemon!"

            The dream faded, leaving him as always in bed, sitting bolt upright, covered in cold sweat and shaking. Oh, and crying like the little Hope-bearer he'd been.

            "God, you're such a baby," he whispered. "You'll never grow up." He got up and stumbled into the bathroom. In the dim light from the nightlight, he could see a pale, skinny boy with dark circles under his blue eyes in the mirror. Miserable eyes. Haunted.

            He opened the medicine cabinet and looked at the row of little bottles, all sleep-inducers, all with his name on them. He took the latest out and stared down at it.

            _Three of these and risk missing school. Or…_

_            "No, not again."_

            _Once or twice, and you'll go right back to sleep. You know it; you've done it before._

            "I can't. I _won't."_

            _Pills it is, then. A few hours and you might even sleep. Then again, you might not. You might get to school and pass out. You've done that before, too._

            "Shut up. Please, just go away…"

            _Do it. You know you want to. You like it._

            "No!" He threw the pills down and put his hands over his ears. "God, I hate the pills. Stupid goddamned pills. Never even work." He was crying again.

            "TK?"

            Takeru looked up. "Yama," he sobbed. "Yama, Yama."

            Ishida Yamato held out his arms. Takeru rushed into them. "The dream again?" his big brother asked softly. Takeru nodded. "Poor TK. My sweet little angel." Yamato waited until the gasping, choking sobs had abated and tilted Takeru's chin up. "But you were good this time, TK. I'm proud of you."

            Takeru sniffled. "P- part of me wanted to."

            "But you didn't. See? You're getting better. You'll beat this."

            "You think so?"

            "I know so. I'm your big brother. I know everything." Yamato winked. "Okay. I'll sit by your bed for a little while. Just until you fall asleep. I'll wake you in time for school."

            "That makes me feel like a baby."

            "There's nothing wrong with it, TK. You were a little kid and something bad happened to you. If something like that had happened to Gabumon, I bet I'd have nightmares too."

            Takeru glared up at him. "Liar. You don't deal with things the way that I do. You'd just sing it out. Don't lie to me like that, Yama."

            Yamato looked at his little brother and sighed. He stepped into the bathroom. "Look in the mirror, TK. Tell me what you see."

            "You. Me. The shower curtain."

            "You and me. What about us?"

            "What do you mean?"

            "Look. We have blond hair. Blue eyes. Pale skin. We're both skinny as sticks. Our voices are alike… even if yours squeaks," Yamato teased. Takeru couldn't help a smile. "See? And we smile the same. We're more alike than you think." Yamato turned and put his hands on Takeru's shoulders. "Except you're stronger. You can do this. You are everyone's hopes and dreams and I believe in you."

            Takeru smiled up at him. "Yama… I love you."

            "I love you too, Takeru." Yamato hugged him.

            "I think I can go back to sleep okay. You don't have to sit with me. You have school, too."

            "Okay."

            "Thank you."

            Yamato smiled. "What are big brothers for? Good night, kiddo."

            "Night." Takeru watched his brother go back into his room and walked slowly into his own. He went over to his desk and opened the drawer.

            It sat there, gleaming even in the shadows.

            _"I'm proud of you, TK… you didn't."_

            He picked it up.

            _"I love you, Takeru."_

            Takeru threw the razor blade into the trash. Warmth flooded through him. "I can do this," he whispered and climbed back into bed. "I can."

Huh? What's that? You thought this was done? Oh, hell no! That's way too easy! Trust me, it's going to get a lot worse for our favorite blond angel-boy before it gets better! *evil laugh*

AJ Archer


	2. Crazy

Disclaimer: No, I don't own Digimon. I never said I did. So there. *sticks tongue out*

Another chapter already? Well, once I get going, I can't stop! Enjoy more Takeru-angst!

Crazy

"Hey, Takeru!"

            Takeru turned around. "Morning, Hikari."

            Yagami Hikari gave him a hug. "You look like you slept more than usual!"

            "I did, thanks to my brother. I think things are gonna get better now. So you don't have to worry about me."

            "I don't mind worrying about you, Takeru. You're my friend." She smiled at him. "Come on! I have a _new_ friend I want you to meet. Hey Mamoru-kun, wake up!"

            Takeru thought about his longtime friend as he sat in class. Hikari was a sweetheart, albeit with a spicy side that he'd been sworn to secrecy about for some time. She told him some of her secrets, but he'd never told her about the cuts. In fact, only Yamato knew, and only because he'd seen blood on the carpet.

            That was over now. He actually felt better than he had in a long time.

            _Takeru…_

_            "No! Angemon!"_

_            Takeru, I love you._

_            "Don't leave me! Angemon, no!"_

            Takeru jumped in his seat. Still the math teacher up there. Still morning. He must have dozed off for a minute.

            "Takeru!" Hikari hissed. He looked over at her. The girl between them, Tenshi, threw him a note.

            Watching the teacher carefully, he opened it. _Are you okay?_ she'd written in pink pen. He wrote back in regular blue, _I think I dozed off. I'm okay._

            It came back with _Did you have the same dream?_

_            Yes. That's never happened before._

            She looked worriedly at him, but didn't send the note back again. After the bell had rung at the end of math she came over and sat on his desk. "Is there anything I can do?"

            "It's not that bad, 'Kari."

            She smiled in that blinding way only girls could. "You haven't called me that in three years, TK. You _must_ be feeling better!"

            "Sorry I'm late!" A boy that looked like Hikari's brother Taichi's twin ran into the room, gasping for breath.

            "Daisuke, you're always late," Hikari teased. "Come here, meet my friend TK. TK, this is Motomiya Daisuke. He plays soccer with my brother."

            "A definite honor!" Daisuke grinned. "Taichi-sempai's my idol."

            "My real name's Takaishi Takeru," Takeru said. He held out his hand. "But TK works. You're right, Tai-kun's a great guy."

            "You know him?" Daisuke grabbed the offered hand and shook it. "Do you play soccer, too? Though you look a little skinny. Um, no offense. I mean-"

            "It's okay."

            "Sometimes my mouth talks before my head can catch up. No, a lot of the time."

            "It's his best trait." Hikari ruffled Daisuke's wild brown hair. "We can sit together at lunch, okay?"

            "Great!" Daisuke bounded away.

            "He's got a lot of energy," Takeru chuckled.

            "He worships the grass under Taichi's cleats." Hikari rolled her chocolate colored eyes. "But he's nice, and he's honest."

            He smiled fondly at her. "Do you like him?"

            She laughed. "Takeru. I like everyone! Why? You jealous?"

            "I will be happy if you are, 'Kari. But no, I'm not jealous. You're my best friend. If I liked you like that, I'd tell you." He gave her hand a squeeze. "Light-bearer."

            "Hope-giver," she shot back. He stuck his tongue out at her. She copied the gesture and looked down, smiling. Suddenly the smile vanished. "TK?"

            He followed her gaze. Bright blood was on his shirtsleeve. "Oh, shoot!"

            "What happened?"

            Takeru got up. "Yesterday I was making dinner and the cutting knife slipped. Daisuke's handshake must have opened the cut. It's okay, 'Kari. I'll go clean it up. Tell the teacher where I am, okay?" He went down the hall to the bathroom and looked in all the stalls. Empty. He returned to the sink and rolled up his sleeve.

            Thin white scars, little brown scabs, and two angry lines of red laced his wrist. Yup, Daisuke's energetic greeting had broken open the latest slices. He washed his arm carefully and slathered some antibiotic ointment on the whole mess, then rolled his sleeve back down.

            _"Takeru…"_

            Takeru jumped. "Wh- who's there?" He looked around. Nothing. No one.

            _"Takeru…"_

            Heart pounding, he raced out into the hall. His hands were shaking as he opened the classroom door. "Higashi-sempai," he said with a bow, "can Hikari take me to the nurse? I feel ill."

            Hikari leaped up at the teacher's nod and followed Takeru into the hall. "TK, what's wrong? Are you all right?"

            "I… Hikari, I think I'm going crazy. I mean, really crazy."

            "What happened?"

            "I heard his voice. I was wide awake, in the bathroom, and I heard his voice."

            She looked around. "Angemon?" she said softly.

            He nodded. "He was calling me."

            "Oh, Takeru…"

            "I think I just need sleep. I can convince the nurse to let me go home. Could you collect my homework? Would you mind?"

            "Of course not!"

            "Thank you, Hikari. You're a great friend."

            "You deserve only great friends. I'm just glad I rate. Just be careful, TK. Don't do anything rash. Promise?"

            "I promise." He couldn't help but smile. "I'll be at school tomorrow."

            By the time Takeru had gotten home, his hands had stopped shaking. He was okay. Just tired. He needed sleep. He opened his bedroom door.

            The razor blade sat on his desk.

            He slammed the door shut. Logical explanation. Think like Kido Jyou. Jyou was as logical as it got. "You imagined it. Your imagination's on overdrive after that thing in the bathroom, and you're tired. Get a grip, Takaishi." He breathed deeply. "Okay." He opened the door again.

            It was still there.

            Takeru shut the door again. "No. No, no, no, no, no." He went into Yamato's bedroom and _locked_ the door. Whimpering, he curled up in his brother's bed and clutched the pillow. Tears ran down his cheeks. "I'm going crazy. I'm going crazy."

Wahahahahahaha! I told you! Hmm, I think TK needs someone to help him… Who should I pick?


	3. Understanding

Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon. Or even Yamato. Though that doesn't sound too bad…

Yamato: Maybe for you it doesn't!

Shut up.

Well, is anyone having fun? I've gotten a few reviews, and to clarify, this is happening just at the beginning of season two. Kind of an alternate beginning, if you will, but I'm not planning on re-writing the entire season… Anyway, enjoy.

Understanding

            "Takeru…"             "Takeru…" 

            "No, stop it!"

            _"Takeru."_

            "Stop calling me!"

            "Takeru, open the door! It's me, Yamato!"

            Takeru looked up. "Yama?"

            "Yeah, TK. It's just me. Please open the door. You locked it."

            He got up and opened the door. Yamato stood there in his green uniform- terrible on him, Takeru secretly thought- looking down at him with wide, sad blue eyes.

            "You scared the hell out of me, baby!" Yamato hugged him hard. "Don't do that to me! I thought for sure… why did you come in here? Are you okay? You didn't do it again, did you?"

            Takeru shook his head blindly. "I said I wouldn't. I threw it away. B- but when I came home…" He was shaking again.

            "Shh, shh. It's okay. Deep breaths, you'll get sick."

            "I'm not sick. I'm crazy. I've gone completely crazy. Yama, I came home and it was on my desk. I threw it in the trashcan last night, but now it's on my desk. I was so scared… I came in here and locked the door."

            Yamato loosened his embrace and gazed down at his brother. "I'll go look. Then I'll make some tea and we can talk. Hey- are you bleeding? TK-"

            "One of the cuts broke open. I swear I didn't, Yama. Look, I'll show you. See?"

            Yamato sighed. "Thank God. Okay. Do me a favor, get that shirt off. The blood scares me." He smiled sheepishly. "I'll be right back."

            Takeru took the long-sleeved shirt off and put on one of his brother's t-shirts. It'd be okay at home. He wiped his face with his shirt and went into the kitchen.

            After a minute, Yamato entered. His face was flushed. "It was on your desk," he said quietly. "But I threw it out the window. It's gone. Oh- shit, I never saw all this." He knelt by Takeru's chair and looked at the mass of scar tissue on Takeru's wrists.

            "It didn't take me long after… after Angemon… to discover this."

            "TK, you were eight!"

            "Yama… don't yell at me."

            "I'm not mad at you. I'm just scared. I'm sorry. I love you, kiddo." Yamato smiled with tears in his eyes. "I'll make tea."

            Takeru watched him start the water and pick the tea out. "I was hurting so much on the inside," he said finally, slowly, "that it felt good to let it out. I couldn't talk to anyone about it. No one would have understood completely, 'cause it never happened to them. When I made the first cut…" Yamato choked and Takeru hesitated. Yamato waved for him to go on without turning around. "It was like a release. It was a hurt I could really understand. Instead of keeping it all inside… I don't know."

            The doorbell rang. "C- could you get that? I… need a second."

            Takeru got up and went to the door. "Daisuke? Oh, my homework! Thanks!"

            Daisuke beamed at him. "Hikari asked me to deliver it. No, that's a lie. I asked to 'cause your house is on my way home. Sorry, there's lots. Bad day." He made a face.

            "Ouch!" The weight broke open another slice and Takeru winced.

            "Are you okay? Here, give it back."

            "No- I'm okay. Paper cut."

            Daisuke took the books back anyway. "Whoa." He looked up with strangely dark cinnamon eyes. "You want to tell me about this? Or should I ask Hikari?"

            " 'Kari doesn't know. And I'd prefer it if you didn't tell her." Takeru sighed. "Come inside, please. You at least deserve some tea for the favor."

            Daisuke followed him in. "Nice place."

            "It's my brother's. Yamato! We have a guest."

            "Huh?" Yamato looked over at them. "Oh! Um, hello. Ishida Yamato, TK's older brother."

            "I'm Motomiya Daisuke… why do you have different last names?"

            "Our parents split. We used to live separately, with each of them, but TK came here after, uh…"

            Daisuke looked at Takeru. "Is that why? Your parents' divorce?"

            "No." Takeru scuffed his shoe on the floor.

            "He knows? You told him?" Yamato's mouth was open.

            "I saw the razor blade fly out the window," Daisuke explained. "When I came up I realized it was your window. Then when I gave him the books, it broke one of the cuts open, and I knew it was him."

            "No wonder you weren't surprised."

            "Do you mind my asking why?"

            Takeru sat down and wrapped his fingers around the teacup Yamato set down for him. The warmth felt good. "A friend I had died because of me."

            "TK-" Yamato began.

            "Yama, please," Takeru interrupted. Yamato clenched his fists and turned away. "He died saving me, and I felt guilty and lost and… angry, I guess. I started having nightmares, I still have them. I had them in class today- I'll tell you about that in a second, Yama. And I started this. It's been a few years. My brother and you know, that's it. I'm trying to stop, but it's hard. I don't sleep much."

            Daisuke nodded and sipped his tea.

            "You had a nightmare in class, TK?" Yamato asked.

            "I dozed off for a minute in math and it happened. Then when Daisuke shook my hand, one of my cuts bled-"

            "Sorry."

            "It's okay. So I went to the bathroom to wash it off, and I heard him, Yama. He was calling his name. I freaked out and got the nurse to send me home. Then I got here and… I told you the rest, Yama."

            Yamato nodded and closed his eyes. "He threw the blade away last night, but it was on his desk when he came home," he told Daisuke. "I came home and found he'd locked himself in my room. It was still on his desk when I looked, and I threw it out the window."

            Daisuke frowned. "This is going to sound really, really weird. Especially because I don't know you, and we just met today. But would you mind if we checked your desk?"

            Takeru stared at him. Abruptly he stood up. "Okay. Let's see if it climbed up the wall."

            "Takeru-" Daisuke went after him. "I didn't mean-"

            "No, let's see." Takeru threw his door open.

            There was nothing on the desk.

            All three of them breathed a collective sigh of relief. Takeru shut the door.

            _Thud!_

            Everyone jumped. They looked at each other. Slowly Takeru opened the door.

            Nothing.

            Takeru stepped in. Yamato and Daisuke went quickly to the window. "Nobody," Yamato said and turned around. His eyes bulged. "Ta- Takeru, don't turn around. Go into the kitchen."

            "Why? What-"

            "Go!"

            Takeru turned around. His eyes widened and filled with tears.

            Daisuke looked back. "Well, Takeru," he said quietly, "you're not crazy."

            The razor blade was buried in the door.

Getting a little weird, huh? I wasn't sure where I was going. So I went this way. 

The title's for Daisuke. You know, how he seems to understand the whole cutting thing. So what do you think about Daisuke? Not exactly in character, huh? Well, this is what he might act like if Hikari wasn't a love interest (maybe). Next… well, I don't know, exactly… ;)


	4. Definition

Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon. I don't own Digimon. I don't own…

*Glenda the Good Witch comes and bonks her on the head with her star wand*

Ow.

Okay. Here goes my next installment. I'm loving the reviews, guys. Even if I only get one per chapter, I'm happy that someone likes it. Thanks.

Oh, and remember something- it's been a good, say, _year_ since I've seen the show Digimon. So if I screw up on a detail, sorry. I can't remember much at all.

Definition

"Takeru? Takeru?"

            Takeru blinked and looked up. "Oh, hello, Daisuke. Good morning."

            "Morning." Daisuke ran a hand through his hair. "Did you sleep okay last night?"

            "Oh, I took some of my pills early and slept like a rock. No dreams that I remember. I still feel tired, though."

            "At least you slept." Daisuke gave him a smile.

            "Yeah. Hey, Dais? Why- how- um, I mean…"

            "Spit it out, Takeru."

            "You didn't say anything about… these." Takeru tapped his wrists. "Why not?"

            Daisuke looked at him for a long moment. Slowly he pulled up the sleeve of his jacket. "I have no room to talk."

            His looked worse than Takeru's. A spider web of white scar lines blanketed his tan wrist. Takeru looked up at him.

            "I went a step further than you, though. These are all in one sitting. If you look at my left… see? Only one line. Straight down. I did that one first. I'm right-handed, you see, and loss of blood was making my hand shake. I don't remember if I finally got it right. I can't tell on here anymore. Who knows."

            "Dais. I… why?"

            Daisuke smiled bitterly. "Not nearly for as good a reason as you. Everyone hated me. I was always made fun of for being stupid and thick and late and… I'm not the brightest crayon in the box, I know, but they had no right. Finally I just got tired of it. My parents' divorce was the last straw. I went into my room, grabbed a knife and went at it. My sister Jun found me. She saw the blood and screamed- this is what they told me, by the way. I was out way before then. They managed to get me to a hospital just in time." He fingered the left scar for a moment. "I guess… I'm glad. If I'd died, I wouldn't have gotten to meet you."

            Takeru stared at him. "Daisuke."

            "Well, geez, I'm getting sentimental. So… anyway, did you finish your math? I'm terrible at math. I-"

            Something flicked past Takeru and hit Daisuke, knocking him down.

            "Oof!" Daisuke landed on his back. "Wugh! What- what's this?"

            Takeru's jaw dropped. It looked… but it couldn't be! He grabbed Daisuke's hand and yanked him up. "It… it almost looks like…"

            "TK! Daisuke! Did you see that?" Hikari ran up to them. "It- Takeru, it came out of the computer room! D'you think…?"

            "Come on!" Takeru grabbed their hands and they ran off to the computer room. "'Kari, check your mail!"

            Hikari did. "It's Augumon! My brother's in the Digital World and Augumon's in trouble! We've got to go!"

            "Do you still have it?" Takeru let go of them.

            Hikari gave him a soft, sad smile.

            The computer screen glowed bright.

            "Whoa-"

            "Hold on, Dais!"

            "Oh my God…"

            Takeru groaned and sat up. "Daisuke? 'Kari? You guys okay?" He was sitting at the mouth of a cave, on some very rocky ground.

            "Takeru! What's going on? What's with my clothes? What's with _your_ clothes? Where are we?" Daisuke clutched Takeru's arm.

            "Calm down, calm down. Where's Hikari?"

            "I… I don't know. She isn't here. Where are we?!"

            "We're in the Digital World. It's like a parallel Earth. It's got these great, uh, beings called Digimon… Taichi! Tai!" Takeru leaped up and ran over to Hikari's soccer-playing older brother. "Are you okay?"

            "TK!" Yagami Taichi enveloped him in a hard, relieved hug. "You got my message! Something's wrong. Augumon can't evolve! He says there's something about this dark tower that won't let him. I ran in here and found this cool egg. It's got my crest on it, but I can't pick it up!"

            "Courage?" Takeru looked at it. It was definitely courage. He walked over and pulled. "Uh-uh. Hey Dais. Come try this."

            "What?" Daisuke ambled over. "Hey, Taichi-sempai. Um, what's going on?"

            "I swear I'll explain it to you, Daisuke. But right now, my best friend is in trouble, and I think you can help him. Just pick up that egg, if you can." Taichi pointed to the egg.

            Daisuke looked at him, bent, and picked up the egg. "Okay. Now what?"

            No sooner had the words left his lips than the egg began to glow. It shook twice, then disappeared into the object on Daisuke's chest. And finally it spit a stream of light out.

            Takeru grinned as a little blue Digimon formed. It looked at all of them slowly. "Daisuke!" it cried- male, then- and latched onto the young brunette's arm. He stared at the little monster. "Daisuke, I'm Veemon. I'm your Digimon."

            "Everyone has a Digimon, Dais. Veemon is yours," Takeru explained gently.

            "What about you?" Daisuke returned.

            Tears stung Takeru's eyes. He looked at the ground.

            "Oh, shit. I'm sorry, Takeru. I'm so sorry."

            "And so am I," Taichi said, voice shaking, "but I need your help now, Daisuke. Please come with me."

            They left. Takeru dropped to his knees and let his tears fall quietly. He could cry. It was okay to cry. Anything except hurt himself again, or someone else.

            "_Takeru…_"

            No.

            "Takeru…"

            "No," Takeru said aloud in a whisper. "You don't exist, and I'm not listening anymore." He stood up and took a step toward the entrance of the cave.

            "That's what you think." Hands grabbed him.

            "No!"

            Darkness.

            "_Takeru…_"

            "_Takeru…_"

            "You're dead. It's my fault, but I forgive myself."

            "_Takeru._"

            "I was a little boy. Now I'm older. Stronger."

            "And you're babbling." _Bam!_

            Takeru's head rocked back from the force of the blow. Pain made him dizzy without him opening his eyes. He groaned and tried to steady his head with his hands.

            "Open your eyes and look at me." A hard, cold voice, but young.

            "Fuck you," Takeru responded without thinking.

            "Oh, my. The angel child of the Chosen can curse?" the voice taunted.

            Something in Takaishi Takeru quietly snapped. The pain vanished like it had never been as he stood up and opened his eyes. "He can do a lot more than curse. Who the fuck are you." His voice was nearly as icy as his opponent's. He'd never, ever spoken like that.

            A boy with black hair almost as wild as Taichi's was leaning against the wall. Sunglasses hid his eyes. "If you're an angel, then I'm the devil."

If you don't know who that is, you need to leave the Digimon area of FF.net… Yeah, this is going to get real interesting next time. I think I might need to change the rating on this fic. D

Oh, by the way, the title refers to a thought I had about this fiction. 

If Takeru thought he was insane last chapter… what's the definition of insanity?


	5. Destruction

Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon. Get me? Got me? Good.

Here comes the fun part. Ever seen Takeru mad?

Destruction

            "The devil?" Takeru turned away. "And what makes you think I'm an angel?"

            "A lot of the time our Digimon mimic our true selves. Look at Taichi-sama. Augumon is one of the most awesome Digimon I've ever encountered. He protects others. He's a leader. He's brave. Your Digimon Angemon was certainly a reflection of you. Innocence. Purity."

            "Right."

            "But you lost some of it in that blade, angel."

            "What do you know about it?"

            The raven-haired boy chuckled. "It took me a while to figure out who it would be. Daisuke was so tempting. But you were ever so much more fun to play with. And then Daisuke came in on his own. I love pain. I love torture."

            Takeru glanced over his shoulder. "Thank you."

            "What? For what?"

            "Letting me know I'm not crazy. It was you in school. You put the blade on my desk and threw it into the door. I'm not crazy. Depressed? Yes. A little off? Sure. But not crazy."

            "Yes, angel. That was me," the other purred.

            "Do you have a name?"

            "Is the devil not good enough?"

            "You're not the devil. You're not even a demon. A name."

            "I am the Digimon Kaizer."

            Takeru turned and studied the Kaizer. Black armor. Gloves. A whip on his belt. Why did he feel so cold? He should have been angry, afraid, something. But he wasn't. He was just cold. "And what did you want with me? Why am I here?"

            The Kaizer frowned. "Angel. You're smarter than that."

            "Stop calling me that. I'm no angel. I have a name and you know what it is."

            "You are an angel, and I'll call you that if I like. Even your looks speak of heaven. Your hair. Your eyes. Your skin. Certainly not of this world. Or ours."

             "Why am I here," Takeru repeated very slowly. A dull anger was beginning to smolder in his stomach.

            A slow grin spread over the Kaizer's face. "You're angry," he breathed. "I see it in your eyes. I've never seen you angry. You're exquisite."

            "Nobody's ever seen me angry! What do you think I hid in the dark and sliced up my arm for?! My health?!"

            The Kaizer began laughing. It wasn't an evil laugh, or even particularly malicious, just laughter.

            Takeru's fists clenched. The burning in his stomach got hotter. His breathing went shallow. "You're not a devil. This isn't your evil. You're just a scared, lonely little boy!"

            The Kaizer fell to the floor and Takeru realized his own fist was out and up where the Kaizer's head had been. "You hit me."

            "I hate you." The words fell from his lips without Takeru consciously thinking them. "I _hate_ you!" He grabbed the Kaizer's chest armor, dragged him up, and hit him to the floor again.

            "Angels don't hate," the other boy ground out from between bloody lips.

            Takeru laughed. "Maybe you're the angel," he said jeeringly, "and I'm the devil. You ever think of that?" He walked toward the door.

            His razor blade was sitting on the table.

            The fire inside of him exploded.

            "You aren't leaving!" The Kaizer pulled himself up and grabbed his whip.

            Takeru snatched up the blade, spun around, and threw it as hard as he could.

            _Pat. Pat. Pit-pat._

            'Anything except hurt myself again, or someone else.' 

His own thought.

The Kaizer reached up slowly and touched the side of his neck, where bright red blood dripped down and to the floor.

"Oh my god," Takeru stared at his hand. "Oh, no."

"Oh, Takeru-chan…" 

"I almost killed a man. Not even a man. A boy. God, what have I done? What kind of monster am I?"

He was alone now in a small cell, talking to himself. He kept seeing the blood on the floor, on the Kaiser's throat. He could have killed the boy…

Takeru buried his face in his arms. "Daisuke," he whispered. "Oh, Dais, I wish you were here…"

I just met him yesterday. Yesterday. And already I want him near me. I want him to tell me that it's okay, and see understanding in those beautiful cinnamon eyes. It's like he knows what I feel, what I want to say before I even open my mouth.

How long he sat there drifting, thinking of Daisuke, he didn't know. Suddenly the heavy door opened and two Augumon stood there. Their eyes were red. "The Kaizer calls for you."

            Takeru didn't have the will to argue. He got up and trudged after them.

            The Kaizer was sitting in front of a half-dozen monitors in a dark room. The Augumon bowed and left Takeru there. Neither moved nor spoke for a long time.

            Finally the Kaizer said, "You didn't hurt me."

            "I wanted to."

            "You've never hurt anyone before, have you." It wasn't really a question.

            Takeru looked at his wrists. "Myself." His throat closed and he swallowed hard. "Angemon."

            A pause. "Come here."

            Takeru did.

            "Look at the screens."

            He looked up. The sight of Daisuke and little Veemon surrounded by red-eyed Digimon made his heart sink even lower. Taichi and a still defiant Augumon took on another group. Hikari was with Gatomon and the odds were worse there. Takeru squinted. It looked like they were by the Dark Ocean.

            "Which one do you want to die first?"

            "What?"

            "Which on will die first? Choose."

            "You're crazy."

            The Kaizer laughed. "You're the crazy one. You threw a razor blade at me. Choose."

            Taichi, the laughing, daring leader who had stayed with he and Yamato when Yamato was sick with pneumonia. Sweet Hikari whose wild side he would take to his grave. And Daisuke.

            "Me," Takeru whispered. "Kill me."

AHHH! Cliffhanger! *giggles hysterically* I've been wanting to type this all day. 

The Kaizer knows quite a bit more about the Chosen than he did in the show… sorry, it had to be that way. How'd you guys like a volcanic Takeru? Do you think he could really kill someone?

Until next!


	6. Redemption

Disclaimer: Yawn. I don't own it. I don't care.

The probable last chapter in Hurting… Wah, right? Yeah, that's what I thought. Enter Takeru's knight. Warning, fluffy.

Redemption

            "_You_?" The Kaizer swiveled around in his chair. "Why would I kill _you_? After all that trouble? Hell no."

            "I'm the one you want," Takeru replied quietly.

            "At least we've got that straight."

            "Angels are demons' enemies."

            "You've already fallen too far to be my enemy, angel."

            "I haven't hit the ground yet." With that automatic response, Takeru woke up. His eyes widened. "_I haven't hit the ground yet_." He looked up at the screen Daisuke was on.

            _"If I had died, I wouldn't have gotten to meet you."_

            Hikari. _"Hope-giver."_

            Taichi. _"TK!"_ And the hug.

            Angemon. _"I love you, Takeru-chan."_

            Hope.

            "What the-" The Kaizer was staring at him.

            Takeru looked down. The object on his chest, identical to Daisuke's, was glowing. He smiled. "I won't give up."

            On the screen, Daisuke was shouting. "Digimental up!"

            "No!" the Kaizer shouted.

            "Dais!" Takeru exclaimed.

            "Flamedramon, the tower! Aim for the tower!"

            "Got it, Daisuke!"

            "I'm not giving up, Takeru!" Daisuke cried.

            "My tower!" the Kaizer gasped.

            "Augumon!" Taichi grabbed his crest.

            "Angel, sometimes you are surprisingly annoying. And resilient."

            Takeru woke up back in the little cell. He didn't mind. Daisuke's words, seeing his friends heartened by his belief in them and himself- he was never going to lose faith again.

            "I'll never scare anyone like this again," he whispered, smiling, and touched the healing wounds on his wrists. "'Kari, my light, I'll tell you everything. Taichi, I'll tell you about Yama, Yamato, I'll tell you about Tai…" Tears ran down his cheeks, happy tears. "Dais… Dais, you I'll give the world."

            "This world belongs to me." The Kaizer stepped out of the shadows. "And so do you."

            Takeru scrambled up, but he wasn't quite fast enough. The Kaizer trapped him against the wall and forced a kiss. "No!"

            "You are _mine_."

            "Never!"

            "I can manipulate you into thinking you're insane, angel. I can do anything I want to you!"

            "Let go of me!"

            _Bam!_ Takeru hit the floor from the force of the backhanded slap. His vision faded, then refocused. The Kaizer was standing over him. "You've been my play toy for weeks now. Just take it the way you have been and I won't hurt you… too much."

            _Daisuke!_ Takeru's soul screamed.

            "Takeru!"

            Both so-called demon and angel looked up in shock.

            Motomiya Daisuke was standing in the doorway.

            "Dais."

            "How the hell did you get here?"

            "Takeru." Daisuke held out his hand.

            Takeru sat up and crawled over to him. He reached up and took the offered hand. Daisuke pulled him up.

            "The second you return to the real world I'll plague you again. You'll never stop hearing him!"

            "Angemon loves me," Takeru whispered. "I'll hear his voice for all eternity- in my heart."

            "I'll drive you insane. I'll find another way to get to you!"

            "Take," Daisuke said quietly, "please go outside. Flamedramon's waiting out there for us."

            "But-"

            "I'll only be a moment."

            Takeru looked at him and finally saw the reason the Kaizer hadn't moved. Daisuke was holding the razor blade. "Dais, no. Don't kill him."

            "It's not that simple, Take."

            "Please. Please don't. I'm begging you. Let's just go."

            "You who nearly killed me with that same blade before is now begging for my life?!" the Kaizer snapped.

            Takeru looked at him. "I haven't hit the ground yet… and neither have you. I told you. This isn't your evil." He pulled on Daisuke's hand. "Dais, I wanna go home. I'm hungry."

            Daisuke took a deep breath. He let the blade fall and walked out with Takeru.

            "Can we go now?" Flamedramon asked.

            "Dais-"

            "We'll talk later, Take." Daisuke touched a finger to Takeru's lips. "I have a confession, too."

            Later turned out to be much later, because upon returning to the real world everything had to be explained to the new Chosen, a girl named Inoue Miyako and a small boy named Hida Iori. Then Taichi explained their escapade to the past Chosen, Yamato- who was entangling Takeru in a breath-stopping hug- Jyou, Takenouchi Sora, and Izumi Koushirou. Hikari listened quietly.

            "'Kari. I have to tell you something." Takeru took her hand and led her away from the group. "I, um, ever since Angemon died, I've been keeping something from you. I'm sorry. I felt I couldn't tell you, and…" He pushed up his sleeve. "For the past three years, I've been cutting myself."

            She looked down and quickly back up with tears in her eyes. "Oh, TK…"

            "I've stopped now. I… found my hope again… I'm so sorry…"

            She hugged him, shaking her head, while tears soaked his shirt.

                                    *                      *                      *                      *

            "Take!"

            Takeru turned around. Daisuke was running after him, Taichi's infamous goggles on his brown hair. The rain that was pouring down had turned his light blue shirt into a soggy transparent mess.

            "Trying to escape without talking to me, huh?" The brunette finally caught up.

            "No, of course not. I'm just tired. Come walk with me. We'll wait it out at my place."

            Daisuke fell silent for a long time as they walked the dripping, deserted streets. They were nearly there when he said, "I would have killed him for you."

            "I know."

            They reached the apartment- someday Takeru would actually call it home inside his head- and Takeru opened the door. "You can change into some of my clothes. Even if you're not as skinny as I am, they should still fit." Takeru gave him a wink.

            "I really didn't mean that."

            "Dais, come on! I was teasing." 

            Daisuke smiled softly. "You need to smile more often. You're radiant when you smile, Take."

            "When did I get this new nickname?"

            "When I realized I would kill for you."

            "I thought you were just getting even for me calling you Dais." Laughing, Takeru headed for his room, pulling his wet shirt off.

            Daisuke's warm hand closed around his arm. "Take… I…"

            Takeru put his hand over his friend's mouth. "Warm clothes first, Dais. I can't afford to miss any more of my life staying home."

            "I need to say this, Take, while I still have the balls to. I've known you for only two days. Two. I don't even know that much about you. But I woke up this morning and realized that for the first time in my life I'm not sorry I'm alive. I wanted to run to school to see you. And then… when I felt it today, that strength you gave me… I knew it for sure. I've never loved anything in my life as much as I did, and do, love you. I'd do anything for you."

            Takeru looked into Daisuke's warm auburn eyes and smiled. "Is this confession time, then? My turn." He grabbed the hand still around his arm and looked at it. "When I woke up in that cell, after I almost killed him, all I could think about was you. That I would give anything for you to be telling me that it was going to be all right. That I wanted you to be there when I opened my eyes… no matter where I was. You, who kept on accepting my words for what they were. You understand me. You listen to me. You _attract_ me. Hell, those eyes alone drive me crazy. I hate being eleven. I want to be my brother and you be Taichi so we could…"

            Daisuke was actually blushing when Takeru looked up. "T… Take."

            Takeru laughed shyly. "Sorry. I'm blunt."

            "Oh, no. I just could never say anything like that. I'd think you'd… well, you'd think I was… oh hell, I don't know." Daisuke's hands shook.

            "Dais, you're freezing! Come on. Clothes, food, warm, now." Takeru pulled him into his bedroom. "Here. Shirt, jeans, boxers- since I'm sure yours are soaked, and assuming you don't mind. They're clean. Geez, I'm cold, too. Hurry and I'll cook you something hot. Did you bring Chibimon home?"

            "Uh-uh. I have to figure out how to explain him to my family."

            "Just tell them it's a toy. We had our parents believing it for months until the battle with Myotismon."

            "I remember that. My sister and I were some of the kids they dragged out looking for the Eighth Child. Who was that, by the way?"

            "Hikari. The light."

            Daisuke frowned as he shucked his jeans off. "Taichi is courage, like me. Hikari is light. You're… what?"

            "Hope, of course." Takeru looked over his shoulder at the other boy. "Dais, you're gorgeous."

            "Take, you're perfect." Daisuke hugged him. Takeru closed his eyes and savored the warm skin. "Mm, wait a minute." Daisuke let go and returned a second later with Takeru's blanket. He wrapped it around both of them.

            "Now we'll both be warm." Takeru yawned.

            "Tired?"

            "Mmhm."

            "Then we'll eat when we wake up." With that, Daisuke managed to get them to the bed and they fell on it, already asleep.

Yeah, this is it. The end. I kinda figured eleven was a little young for citrus. Maybe I'll write a sequel. ;) Sweet, though, right? The ending? 

Thanks for reading, guys.

AJ Archer aka Sailor Archer


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